Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There r osticjed everywhere
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
