How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
