yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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