She said her name was "party"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
