I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
a search helicopter?!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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