sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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