Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
