Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize