I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
