my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
