no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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