theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
