I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How naked do you want me to be?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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