peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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