yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
