you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
