The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
