Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
