He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
