my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
