he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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