it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I supernannyed him into submission
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
