you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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