Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
