she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize