I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
