I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
