so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
