Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
