Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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