I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
