Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
