You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
