i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
