you would pick up someone in the library
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
