Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
