You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
