Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
well you can't waste a boner
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
