**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize