if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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