he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
