he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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