we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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