yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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