Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
