haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
