No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
