You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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