she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
