All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
