My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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