I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
