I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
