Me too!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
