she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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