Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
