you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
