i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
