thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
