I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize