oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
