i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
