Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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