I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
