Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize