May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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