First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
