u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
