There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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