I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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