meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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