Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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