I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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