soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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