whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't deserve a penis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
