Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
