the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
