i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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