I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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