So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
