Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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