I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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