well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize