Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
