OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
