Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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