I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
