I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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