maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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